What If My Kid Refuses to Cooperate During Our Session?

Well, then I’d say your kid is pretty normal. Don’t sweat it. And I’m not even a little bit joking when I say that. Lemme tell you a story….

Back in July, my sister-in-law got married. It was a beautiful, joyful wedding and my two little boys, 8-years and 3-years, were supposed to escort my mother-in-law down the aisle. Now, it was a hot day. Very hot, like, 100+ degrees hot. And family photos were just at that time when my 3-year old used to nap but he’s a Nap Rebel now so, yeah. Used to nap… Keep that fact in mind…

It’s family photo time and we’re on a strict schedule to finish these family photos because the bride and groom want a quiet moment alone before all the guests arrive. We’ve finished the first set of photos and it’s time for me, my husband, and my boys to join the bride and groom for our set of photos. My 8-yr old begrudgingly cooperated but at least he cooperated. The poor thing was nearly melting in his adorable-but-way-too-hot suit. My 3-yr old though? Well, he was not as willing to cooperate. And by “not willing to cooperate” I mean, he stripped down and removed his pants, suspenders, and bowtie till he was running around the venue in just socks, underwear, and a white button-down shirt, Risky Business style. All that was missing was the trophy mic. And when we asked him to come take just ONE picture, he would yell, “It’s too hot for pants! It’s too hot for pictures!” He wasn’t wrong, but still…

That’s okay, I thought. Maybe I can hold him with our 8-yr old standing in front of me and you wouldn’t be able to see that he wasn’t wearing pants? Nope. He ran and hid under one of the long guest tables that had just been set up for the reception. He also tried to pull the table cloth off and hide under it. Thankfully he was not successful in that endeavor because, had he been, dishes, flatware, floral centerpieces, and bright purple cloth napkins would’ve crashed down all around us. Fun!

So long story short, we ended up with beautiful family photos of my sister-in-law’s wedding that DO NOT have my 3-yr old in them. He stayed under the table the whole time and no amount of scolding, cajoling, begging, or bribing could pull him out. Multiple people tried. Multiple people failed. We were bested by a sleep-deprived sweaty-hot 3-yr old who could not care less that his mama is supposed to be a professional photographer who works with children all the time and always manages to get them to cooperate. The one exception being, her own stubborn child.

All that is to say that if your child also chooses to act like a rascal and not cooperate, don’t worry about it. It is what it is. I can work with almost any kid, except my own apparently. Little T is a perfect example of that. His mom and dad are past clients of mine (we did an engagement session together a few years ago) and they reached out to do a family session with Little T, 3.5 years, and his brother Baby H, 1 year old. Now here’s the thing about photographing kids - they are never the ones to actually book the session. I have yet to receive an email from a child asking to schedule a family shoot. It’s the adults that book the session, the adults that make the decision to take photos, the adults that get to choose the outfits and location and timing, and the adults that are in charge of what happens during the session, too.

Imagine how disempowering that must be for some kids. They literally have no say in the matter but are expected to show up and cooperate without any resistance or hesitation. How would you feel if you were in their position?

Probably not super cooperative, I’m guessing. Probably a little resistant. Maybe even a little grumpy. When put into context, it makes sense why a lot of kids do not want to cooperate when it’s time for your session. Most do, but some don’t, and that’s okay! I come into family sessions assuming the kids don’t want to be there. It’s my job to make it fun for them, to give them some control over what’s happening, to allow them some say in decisions, and to capture whatever comes of it - the good and the not-as-good. It is not your kids’ job to know how to be a professional model for our session!

For 3-year old T, giving him control during the session meant letting him choose a few spots to shoot it. Allowing him say in decisions meant I photographed mom, dad, and Baby H until T decided he was ready to join in, too. Making it fun for him meant I had a few games up my sleeve I could turn to in the moment and some props to help get his attention in a fun way. We played Red Light/Green Light, Tackle Dad, and Tickle Mom. I had a random rubber chicken dog toy that made hilarious squeaking sounds and I only pulled it out when he wasn’t paying attention, so it was always a surprise squeak! By the end of our session, Little T was inviting me out to get hot chocolate with him and his family and asked “Are you gonna take pictures of us with our hot chocolate too?” He wanted the session to keep going!

I really only have three tips to help you when your children are not cooperating during your family session and it’s this:

1. Release the need to control

2. Let the kids be themselves

3. Trust your photographer to do their job.

That last one is arguably the most important. Hire a photographer who you trust implicitly. One who you know will deliver great images that capture your family exactly as they are in that moment. One who is not afraid of “uncooperative” kids. One who understands that family portraits are not just about looking pretty, they’re about documenting WHO YOU ARE at that season of life. If you can’t trust your photographer, you can’t be confident in the final product. Trust is everything.

“Ok, cool. But how do I know if I can trust my photographer?” Mmm…good question. One I will definitely dive deeper into in a future post. For now, my advice is this: review their portfolio and their social media and check in with your body to see if any alarm bells are going off. If you’re getting good vibes while viewing their public website and social media, don’t be afraid to ask for a phone or zoom call to chat offline and get a sense of their energy and their approach to sessions. Trust your instincts. If you don’t feel like you really connect, you may not be able to release control and trust them to do their job during your session.

xo